Wednesday 23 June 2021

footnote, as a topnote.

 Here's the thing. Long ago i was offered a book on this. Nope, had to parent her Zship.... and that was the right decision after several years of 'the system' sucking my blood. Kids need all of us.

So for various reasons i have been distracted the last decade. Several truly megga causes - all of mind body and soul.... but i like writing. And a decade ago by accident due a rather unfortunate became rather poetical. ( literati said so in writing and that does not help).

But 'silver linings'  - there always is a real one - not some silly facebook moment I mean a real one that lasts. Mine was indeed letting go. No longer getting in the way of the words. Prior to 2010ish o would labour for days planning all my many words. 2010 i let go. And there is a kind of magic to that. Maybe there are skyfairies though i never trust them in anything else. Not very good at 'anything else' in my world. Only the written has word has done it for me. Who knows what the deal is   - and i read propper biggirl philosophy, just for fun- maybe you live in a hologram too.

But here is the thing. There is letting go. but there is also social mores. And i have great radar for them. always an island as always a traveller. I observe. 

In a supposedly quite modern thinking region - one or two cosmopolitan hotspots within a 20 mile radius, in fact learned VERY quickly absolutely no one GETS why .... one needs the protection against a well documented utterly dodgy as hell system. (they almost all lost their jobs after they met me  - even hilarious Dominic the most swishy well established solicitor-barrister combo in the area, so i do think i have a right to say that)

But no one - so so few folk - mainly bleedin Guardian readers got it all, and as for the so called working or blue collar lower orders - fear. Only fear. "i would never do that..." ... "never be a reason i would need to use any paper" and even fear of me as a person because i had some vague reputation via the odd petrol station billboard as standing up for rights. 

SO in fact until recently i kept my mouth shut mainly. I am only opening up now doe a simply paradise last year  - really letting go, including some new quite wonderful friends. Let go.... and that means also when i can leaving. I am tired of dumbed down infantalised people - i have little formal education but read books and then read other things. Not to outsmart, just because we need to .... never mind need to understand the world to pass on what its about for real to ur kids.

But in one sentence - the complete confusion i have 'suffered ' though never claim any suffering, over why one would use the fourth Estate...people died for that right. High school i am sure it is taught as cornerstone of democracy. But as an ordinary topic in an ordinary cafe frig you get worried looks. That is what needs to change. Above all.... and that i could not, does mean i have to leave the region i have based myself in 25+ years.  Because it is exhausting the same dull essentially feudal attitudes. As for even saying the phrase "freedom of speech" that isn't really even the done thng in quite quite incomer rich rich incomer places. We still have SO much more to do as a society on this.... and the worst of all having to self censor - present some alternate identity (i am master of - had to be as i like ordinary rustics ) is really not nice... is very bad for you.

Any legal or similar person - even media, who thinks the populous even understand never mind believes  in largely indivisible free speech...or understand "sunlight as disinfectant" ... and all that, sorry you are wrong and the rustic lands still make up the majority of the land. I know, i have the scars and many many rather worrying conversations with seemingly quite together people - especially women, under my belt...i wandered the land for years speaking with folk about just such things - informally, as casual friendly acquaintance no axe to grind or even obvious agenda. Its far weirder than you the intelligent well informed minority may assume. And you need THEM on side too come the day and with the worst recession for 100 years predicted by just about every sane fiscal commentator, you may need the mob on side sooner than you may expect.