Monday 14 June 2021

"poor you"

 (not me)

As i had my second phase of media luvviedome... 2006 and on, sometimes chatting with folk there was the 'poor you' phase.

Just showing what truly shabby and immature people those people were.  NB 2021 no 'poor you' I always live and write with a genuine smile on my face and as several know in several arenas in my local rural fringe i am a MACHINE of regional work for 'social good' - environmentally i take great risks in fact exposing terrible eco crimes by nasty posh hypocritical scumbags. My choice. I also work unpaid behind the scenes to try and assist a range of people suffering due to their inability to grow up and understand at about 45 for the sake of your kids give it ALL up... the booze and drugs..never mind several cases where their liver was giving up.

Plus a local social housing huge lobbying operation i alone began - at real risk of being squashed by someone's jcb as it may have cost her considerably... millions.

The work i did on the free speech 04 - 2010 indeed positively effected far more women than men. 

In 2003 as i emerged from having ...well its a long story and any fuckwit who takes things on so called face value, well they only saw one side of one face. This they are a fuckwit. But the serious matter, this time or rather my first time encountering a 'victim' of terrible pandemics of injustice I had no idea existed until 2002, it was a man. In fact  a partner of the woman who was as about as perfectly woke approved as is imaginable - i knew her well. The woman who ran the local Steiner playgroup I would attend. It wasn't really "Steiner" that was just a simplistic label. It was a gathering of the sweet and caring people many years. And she was Queen of being a caring intelligent person. Very popular in and integrated with the community. And guess what she told me of how even her mature intelligent partner he had in fact been brought to full on rolling-around-the-floor breakdown by injustices over his children.

It was never 'poor me' cos i am the one who did NOT suffer any such breakdown because i fought for all to be done properly. And won. I was in a minority of about 1 out of hundreds of thousands.  The issue was in my own case - or rather in the case of my daughter and I, it took years when it should have taken 5 minutes in 2002. And i never sought nor ever began any legal action. Never. It is ALWAYS possible to settle family matters out of court. If others cannot listen well thats their conscience cos sure as ferrets are ferrets sooner or later your guilty conscience does eat your soul up.

I am the LUCKY one who made it through and in fact evolved and deepened as a result of not being fucked up the arse by a big blackman in the showers in the slammer, and indeed learning things like share a cell with a blackman as their souls are far far more centred and civilised than the rest.  And other things - learning how to speak in public - previously i was pretty shy and reserved and hated all attention. I hated the person i had to become but in time realised its a compromise - I always knew that shrinking violets really just got in the way. I write figuratively in a completely universal sense. Buddhist priests  sat fire to themselves in public to protest at the Vietnam war. There comes a time you have to not be yourself for a greater 'good'. I learned that. Even if its not any fun ever. But it is good for you in a universal humanist way.

So it was the 'poor you' from shabby people assuming something based on ignorant dumbed down gossip was what above all i wished to deal with. My home region so shabby it's daft - including the self appointed shabby litterati (hint most never even read a book except to be seen reading something in some local cafe)  . That is at a personal level meaning around me daily. I was the least poor you person around. I didn't sink to where the poor chap aforementioned did. 

And then as i trudged along through dull tv show world of course there was a silver lining - others could be informed of useful outcomes - in a universal sense. 

Anyway in fact thats the thing. Reason for attempting a roll out now. I know that i have had the most superbly new, energised, fully vaccinated  against ALL stress and maudlin last 5 years. Despite suffering the first death - BREXIT... resilience but more - truly good energy. And getting into new scrapes for unequivocal 'social good'. And it keeps you alive! I have never felt so youthful at times in the last few years, despite being an old git. And that isnt a fraudulent Facebook meme lying version thats the cast iron continual truth. 

And in the last 12 months i went onto overdrive - it was if my time had come (again)  - battling through pandemic of self obsessed moaning and utter cant and vanity. Getting a few professionally helped when theyre killin themselves... conservation work going up against right nasty bastards (up on the hills alone) .... and a range of other useful societal good projects...

Not one moment of maudlin. No doubt... we society needs to be more cohesive and that means also is only ever about tomorrow. 

Indeed fey assumption by self appointed dumbed down custodians of something or other  - and a spade is a spade, i am so saddened that it seems many women have  moved into such 'positions'  - by FAR my best influences in my early 20s were the great no nonsense women in circles i moved in. Fey assumptions that has fed into this word policing. Read yer Voltaire! It was dealt with 200 years ago.  Never mind that the above few paragraphs contain a FACT: an ACTION: the act of seeking out a black man to spend time with in preference to any white man. Having seen facts: far more noble and sane humans. What playful words surround that act are utterly irrelevant. As meaningful as the constituents and length of a sigh.

Oh and i have had a GLORIOUS 12+ months - attacking, that, head on in my pretty shabby people dull locality (half of Hampstead bought last autumn ) ....and guess what it WORKS....I have more great new allies i have tested and developed true human trust with than ever before by far! Just by cycling around and generally starting with "no more who are you ...Boris just bought out a new law if you havent heard, strangers walking around country lanes have to stop and speak for at least half an hour..." t's extraordinary how if you don't pretend, nor do others as much.... 

All free speech is good. Except the obvious illegal violent incitement.

Oh and in the other Rubicon - environmental work.... "no more bullshit, rivers even here dead.... chickyshed megalopolises encroaching...and Powys even more encroaching now as those fey morons never spoke up ....a spade a spade, WE failed..."  It is extraordinary how in fact it has been 'working' to some extent. The hyper earnest pious crap version of everything unfortunately FAILS. Mean it. All the way.Fuunt thats kindof the thing now unless everyone hides away until they can afford their next Tuscany trip...which they probably will and i celebrate failure as god. I do have a rather good chronicle of Candidian attempts to not fail, as silver lining. But that's just for me.